I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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