LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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