If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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