I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
