what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
