You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
