They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
