Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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