Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
