One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
