That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
