He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
