As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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