I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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