6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She bit a glass in half.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
