I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
