She went from zero to smokin in five shots
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
