If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
