he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
