and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
