Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
