My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
