I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My bed smells like the plague
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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