so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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