Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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