i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
