last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
