I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
