I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am naked and annoyed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
