when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
