I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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