I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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