omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
