Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
