so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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