I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
