you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
