4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
