I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
