Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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