It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
