how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
