He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
