I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
