Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
