he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I supernannyed him into submission
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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