my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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