he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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