Whod you bang
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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