i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
