I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
