take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
