You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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