pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
