just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
