Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
