a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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