Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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