I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
