i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
