I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
