We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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