I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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