dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
