I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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