I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
