Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
